Black Monday

I asked some questions on Monday, and it triggered the argument again. Why I need to ask this kind of questions during my working hours? Because you want me to think for you, I cannot touch this topic during your working hours, during your weekdays because it will impact your mood. So I asked on weekend, during your night time, as you said, at least it will not spoil your day. But you asked me back again, won't it impact my mood? There isn't any better time other than using my time, at least this is what I can think of. Apparently it is not good enough for you. I guess maybe you do not even know what you want, but picking on everything I try to do, to work on.

It was a bad Monday for me. After seeing what you have type, listened to what you said to me. Reflecting all the hurtful but truth that been told to me. Even I am amazed with my persistence to hang on despite each word is slashing my heart. You asked me what did I work so hard on? Is it so hard to work on? In fact, I got to work hard on feeling numb and quickly heal the wound of your words caused, to forgo the pain and to  persist on.

My tear flowed non stop that day. I cried so much on the way back home and went hysteria in car. I screamed so much like I never scream before, cried non stop and it was so painful.  I remembered cooking spaghetti and eating together with my tears. I remembered my fingers was in the hot water but it was nothing compared to the pain in my heart. The pain is so excruciating that I have to pray to God to bring away my pain. I don't know what else I can do besides praying.


Dear God, I pray to you please bring away the pain and sadness in my broken heart. Please heal me so that I can be strong again. Thank you.